Balls

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Week 34.

This totally inappropriate-looking contraption has had a major impact on my marriage in the past week.

No, it is not a sex toy for tennis players (get your mind out of the gutter!), but rather a cheap and easy-to-make prenatal massage tool. (Apparently this is only one of many alternative uses for tennis balls; if only Wilson knew they might explore some entirely new marketing avenues.)

Thanks to the international communication chain of pregnant mothers – and a pretty hilarious youtube video – this sexy little doohickey came to Wifey’s attention while I was away on a wine trip for a few days last week. So I got a text message:

Please buy some tennis balls on your way home. Thanks. I love you.” WTF? 8 months pregnant and you’re going to pick up tennis?

“No, but you’ve been away for five days and you owe me a lot of massages.” Yes, dear.

I did in fact owe her a lot of massages – and sadly, the few that I had attempted to provide so far during pregnancy had probably been unsatisfactory. My massage skills aren’t bad, generally speaking, but that goes out the window when the person on the receiving end is growing a child and therefore can’t lie flat on her stomach. Furthermore, pregnant women are cautioned against massages at all during the first trimester, massages that are too invasive, or massages by people who don’t know what the fuck they’re doing. So you’ll understand my concerns.

These balls – for lack of a better term – are a lifesaver. Believe it or not they provide just the right kind of pressure, and the pantyhose (or sock, if you choose to go that route) keep just enough space between them to straddle one’s spine. Honestly – speaking from experience now – they feel pretty damn good.

Guys – take it from me. Don’t wait until month 8 to get yourself some new balls.

 

 

 

 

 

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