X-Ray

Well, that was without a doubt one of the most bizarre experiences I’ve ever had.

36 hours into our Chinese sojourn, we were treated to our initiatory Shenzhen taxi trip, a voyage that doubled as Little Dude’s first car seat-less car ride. Where to? Why, the hospital, of course.

Fear not for us, dear friends, for this was not an emergency journey. As it happens, in order to obtain a Chinese residence permit, one must first undergo a local medical exam. What are they checking for, you ask? It beats the hell outta me, but the process was shockingly thorough – despite the almost complete lack of verbal communication.

Following an extended cab ride through a tropical downpour, clutching our child on our laps, we arrived at the hospital. We were then led immediately out of said hospital, down the street to a small, heavily trafficked photo shop. After our visa photographs were taken – no small feat, with a highly energetic almost-two year old – we returned to the hospital, where Wifey and I each subjected ourselves to a series of unusual medical tests in rapid succession.

First, a standing X-Ray; presumably of our torsos, to what end I have no idea. Then, even more strange, a brief EKG, followed by an ultrasound of God-only-knows-what, in the general vicinity of our ribs. Next, an eye exam – not so far off in practice from the one at an optometrist’s office stateside – but consisting solely of letters similar to M, W, E, and what I could only hesitantly refer to as a “backwards E.” (After comparing notes with Wifey on the ride home, I now believe the expected answers to have been more simply “up,” “down,” “left,” and “right.”)

Finally, a rather large quantity of blood was drawn, with no indication whatsoever of what it was to be tested for, and we were each told to pee in a cup. For descriptive purposes, it bears mentioning that the cups had no type of closure, and upon being filled, were placed on a tray containing samples from all the other newly arrived expats in Shenzhen.

I’m not sure what any of this means, or if we’re soon to be deported because of the results. But from my perspective, this adventure confirmed two things. One: the Chinese bureaucracy really is extremely efficient. And two: we sure as hell ain’t in Kansas anymore.

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